4 min readSympathy Gifts for a Jewish Family, Observant or Not
Send food or a tree planted in Israel, not flowers. Even if the family does not keep kosher, a kosher gift is the safe choice: relatives and visitors who do keep kosher can share it too. Dried fruit and nuts work best, because they need no fridge and keep all week.
Does a family that is not religious sit shiva?
Often, yes. Many families who are not observant still sit shiva in some form: sometimes for fewer than seven days, sometimes as a gathering at home after the funeral. Either way, people come to the house, and food is what helps.
Should the gift still be kosher?
Yes, when you are unsure. A kosher gift works for everyone. A gift that is not kosher may sit unopened if a grandparent, a sibling or the visitors keep kosher. Look for a kosher certification on the product, not "kosher-style". Read what makes a shiva basket kosher.
Are flowers okay?
Flowers are not part of Jewish mourning. No one will be offended, but food or a tree is the expected gesture. See what to send instead of flowers.
What to send
- Food that keeps, like dried fruit and nuts. No cooking, no fridge, easy to set out.
- A tree planted in Israel in the person's memory, with a certificate for the family.
- A donation to a cause the family names.
What to write
A plain "I am so sorry. Thinking of you all." is enough. If you want a traditional line: "May their memory be a blessing." More ideas in what to write in a shiva card.
See the shiva baskets →
Frequently Asked Questions
What do you send a Jewish family that is not religious?
Food that keeps, such as a dried fruit and nut basket, or a tree planted in Israel. Choose kosher food anyway, so relatives and visitors who keep kosher can share it.
Do I need to send kosher food if the family does not keep kosher?
It is the safe choice. A kosher gift works for everyone in the house, while a gift that is not kosher may go unused if anyone there keeps kosher.
Can you send flowers to a Jewish family?
Flowers are not part of Jewish mourning. Food or a tree planted in Israel is the traditional gesture.
What is an appropriate Jewish sympathy gift?
Kosher food for the house, a tree planted in Israel in the person's memory, or a donation to a cause the family names.
Reviewed with guidance from Jewish mourning traditions across Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform practices.
Sending something to the family?
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