If you have a Jewish friend, coworker, or neighbor who is mourning, your first instinct may be to send flowers. But in Jewish tradition, flowers are not sent to a shiva. Here is what to send instead — and why.
Why not flowers?
Sending flowers is a common condolence custom in many cultures, but it is not part of Jewish mourning. A shiva (the seven-day mourning period) is focused on comforting the mourners and providing for their practical needs — not on decoration. So while no one will be offended by flowers, they are not the traditional or expected gesture.
What to send instead
1. Kosher food for the mourners
The most traditional and appreciated gift is food. During shiva, the family stays home and receives a stream of visitors, and they should not have to worry about cooking or feeding guests. A kosher gift basket of dried fruit and nuts is ideal — it feeds a house full of visitors, keeps well over the seven days, and is welcome in any kosher home.
Good choices:
- Oval Fruit & Nut Basket ($77.99) — generous enough to feed a house of visitors
- Square Fruit & Nut Box ($54.99) — a versatile, well-sized gift
- California Gift Box ($51.99) — a classic assortment
Every gift is Star-K kosher certified and ships with free standard shipping.
2. A tree planted in Israel
A beautiful, lasting alternative is to plant a tree in Israel ($18) in memory of the person who passed. Unlike flowers, a tree is a living, permanent tribute. It comes with a personalized certificate that can be emailed to you and printed for the family.
3. A donation to charity (tzedakah)
Giving charity in memory of the deceased is a deeply valued Jewish tradition. Many families designate a specific cause; if not, a general donation in the person's memory is always appropriate.
A note on etiquette
- Send food that keeps well and is easy to serve to guests.
- Always make sure food is kosher certified — an uncertified gift, however generous, may not be usable in the home.
- Include a short, warm message. A simple "Thinking of you and your family" or the traditional condolence is enough.
The short answer
Instead of flowers, send kosher food to feed the mourners, or plant a tree in Israel as a lasting tribute. Both are welcome, traditional, and thoughtful.